it's fucking cold.

Apologies for being AWOL-- as if I have to justify being away from my distraction-box!
But anyway-- apologies nonetheless.
Went out backpacking solo along the Bruce trail.
I have to admit that I have an addiction to Big Rocks. I used to live close to Mountains. I love 'em. When one lives in Ontario, well, ya gotta use your imagination. Me, I go to the Niagara escarpment. Hiking the escarpment is Up Down Up Down-- so you can kinda imagine you're going Up Up Up Down Down Down.
Something like that.
(ahem) jeebus, see, I lost my language already.
FYI- nearly froze to death, but due to my ingenuity and big big testicles, only froze my ass off instead.
Actually, seriously, yeah, I was worried for a couple hours there. It was like this:
Got rained out pretty badly when I was hiking halfway between campsites. I headed back to where I camped last night. Couldn't find potable water anywhere. Ended up drinking it off of a groundsheet, and then collecting the rest for soup.
Got the tent up. Two inches of water inside a corner of the tent.
All my clothes, sleeping bag, wet. A propane stove that has maybe a half hour's fuel. My copy of Thoreau's Walden managed to survive.
It's four and a half hours' walk back to the nearest town. So that's kinda out of the question. I'm already shivering badly. This is what is awesome about solo camping. Memorizing little dumbass obituaries about yourself when there are no writing implements around. So, like, when they find your body, you can dictate- oh wait.
If you ever, ever find yourself in this position, or hope to, bring along one of those $3 Emergency Blankets.
The idea of the $3 Emergency Blanket is that you cover yourself in a 6'x4' piece of tinfoil. Act like a baked potato. Think Positive.
So that's how I got through the night. Inside my soggy wet sleeping bag (miraculously it wasn't down, or it would have been completely useless in the cold!), dressed in two pairs of soggy socks, soggy longjohns, wrapped in tinfoil.
There were moments when I could have been sworn that I was feeling warm. It was warm enough that my wet cloths were starting to dry. It was probably ten minutes or so before the inside of my little aluminium home turned clammy and cold again. So-- turn the tinfoil wet side out, dry side in. Bask in non-hypothermia for ten minutes, until the moisture on the outside has soaked into the sleeping bag. Repeat. This basically went on all night. I had plenty of time to yell at the mystery animals outside my tent.
In the morning, I found I was miraculously wearing dry clothes. Wow. Such is the power of the $3 Emergency Blanket.
In all honesty, I think I might have died without it.
It was great fun. Well, everything except for the complete lack of sleep. Ask any camper. Complete misery at the hands of the elements spells awesome. I mean, I actively sought out a rainy week so I could listen to the raindrops falling on a thin piece of nylon above my head.
This morning I decided I'd had enough. I hiked for four hours along rural roads, surveying garbage on the roadside. It all culminated in me running down the street with a fifty pound backpack trying to catch the greyhound outta there. A nice guy coasted by in his minivan and offered me a lift for the last twenty feet. I must have looked pretty tired.
And then.... hot bath.
It's taken me two hours to reintroduce myself into society. So, I'll be blogging again shortly.

Seriously, I was wrapped in tinfoil. I live for shit like that. That and Hot Baths.
Hmm, maybe I'll have another Hot Bath right now. Just 'cuz I can. Cheers.