Notes on hopelessness.

I'm breaking current of radio silence for a piece of personal fluff. I had some shit written on gun control, then on this thing we label 'post-modernism' (until I read an article that put it in much better terms than I could muster-- shit!) all that stuff is coming.
Let me introduce you to a timeline of one of my shittier Friday evenings:
I have got no scratch. And I'm getting bored with drinking, so I revert to default mode: reading bad news on the internet, with a game of solitaire on the side. Suddenly it's 3 a.m.-- I'm sure we've all been there. Please somebody tell me I'm not the only one...!
Then I run into this:
Watch Out! It's graphic

I should know better than to watch footage of Iraqi farmers getting blown to smithereens by pimply Americans behind too many guns in a helicopter. I know this. I have been there before. I know I'm going to spend Four Fucking Hours in bed staring through the ceiling in a hopeless rage, breathing in smog and falling out of love with the entire human race.

All the liberal talking-heads talk about creating terrorists in Iraq through indiscriminate bombing. They should be so lucky. Americans almost nearly create terrorists in my head when I see shit like that. When it's three in the fucking morning and you've just watched a teenage kid skip over to a family member, get a kiss on the cheek, and then get disassembled by 30mm incendiary anti-tank shells, it's.... there's no human being alive that shouldn't be severely questioning his or her membership in this race of psychos.

I'm atheistic. I don't have any prayers for those people. I also don't believe in a judgement when we die. I can't lie to myself and say that they will be avenged. Someday those helicopter pilots are going to walk free. Bush is going to retire, and then hang out at his ranch. He'll probably have lawyers to tell him not to travel too much, lest somebody try to stick war crimes charges on him. Somehow I don't think that'll bother him much.

Being as truthful as I could, I came up with a couple sentences of a secular prayer, whispered them in the darkness. I don't think it helped much.

Oh yeah, if you're a Torontonian, there's a march against war profiteers on Tuesday at 4pm. Bring hell for them to pay. The bill's getting mighty substantial.


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