failing the sandwich test.

Here at I.am.alive.whatever. headquarters, we are preparing a masse emigration to greener pastures to South Korea, in order to teach the English language to kiddies. Now, I have heard a lot about English (capitalised, as per proper grammar instructions) being the parasite language of international hegemony, but keep in mind this-- English is one language where no one grammar rule makes an inch of sense of without a thesaurus full of exceptions. Vagueness and interbreeding composes 95%* of the English language. In fact, most things that strike us as hilarious in English won't make a lick of sense in any other language.
For example, try to translate any standup routine into, say, German. Come on. I dare you. It won't work. Why? Most of the past tenses of German put the acting verb at the very end of the sentence. Result: a complete neutralisation of the suspense and irony that makes most jokes 'work' in English. I don't know if the same holds in Korean. I intend to find out. My point is this: if humour isn't the most anarchistic tendency in humanity's bandolier of rebellion, I don't want to be an anarchist.
This blog's translocation was predicted by rob and krystal at loveescstacycrime and tiny stars respectively, and in a very complimentary fashion i must add. If you're wondering where I've been, here is the answer: I've been packing, and preparing to leave the continent. The band is on hiatus, but the blog is not. I foresee plenty of opportunities to blab my way out of boredom.
Now, on to the story:
One of my things is that I don't like supporting the drug trade. I'm sorry, I see drugs as the Ultimate Commodity. Crack, say, tears away all illusions of commodities' healing and redemptive power, laying bare the mechanics of capitalist pursuits. So if I see someone begging for change, my first thought is, "gee, I wonder if I should change professions", but the second thought is, "gee, I wonder if he's buying drugs with whatever money I can afford to throw him."
I hope I won't get piled on as a class traitor if I'm writing this. Here it is guys: I don't like to give money if it's only entrenching a form of chemical oppression. To back me up: I must admit that I live with former and current panhandlers and junkies. I don't like it when people close to me fall off the wagon and find their actualization at the bottom of a syringe; why would I approve of it if it was a stranger?
The approved (by me, and former panhandlers) form of 'handout' (ahem) is the 'sandwich test.' If a dude asking for money will instead accept a sandwich, then she or he is approved for meals, change, showers, sleepovers, etc. If not, then they are an asshole and they're probably buying crack.
We probably have a crack dealer operating in the alleyway beside our co-operative. I pay attention to who enters the alley, and who exits, and how 'fucked up' they look before and after.
So there's this dude outside our LCBO. (the place to buy liquor, for those outside of Ontario) Always asks me for change. For the first three months, no problem... I was on welfare, but whatever... share and share alike. One night: heyy... isn't that--? Yeah, it is. It's him. LCBO dude.
Tonight, he failed the sandwich test.
"Spare some change, sir?"
"No, uh... hey, I got a sandwich! I made it today, but I wasn't hungry. Want it?"
"Yah got change, though? Come on, come on! Spare some change!!"

If you're keeping track, and you happen to be homeless, no disrespect. But keep this in mind, consider it a 'tip.' Always ALWAYS accept donations of food. If you refuse them, you look like an asshole, and people will consider you a junkie, even if they don't see you skulking into a certain alleyway. Accept the food like it was the best thing you ever got. If you do, the world is your oyster. If not, you're fucked.

This is the way it is on the big streets.

*even this number is a little iffy.


At 1:55 a.m., Blogger Robert said...

totally spot-on, actually, Eric

i know what you mean about the fear of being tagged as a class-traitor

im a pretty marginalized person, so i know how it is on the streets, as opposed to many (not all) Marxist/anarchist types (which i also am)

i never give panhandlers change, even when i can afford it

why not?

u give them money, they in turn take the money and buy crack...the aspiring mafioso then take that money and buy (among other things) guns...they then terrorize working-class communities with these weapons...between the cops and the robbers, the everyday commonly decent live in constant terror

good to see you back blogging, actually

it was kaput for awhile...wldnt load or something...put ya back on my blogroll asap


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