5.02.2005

nothing important.

I am fulfilling contractual obligations with this post.
No, seriously: more coming later. But first:
What The Fuck?!?!

Yeah, I get it. You're making an educational colouring book by combining maps of countries with their respective stereotypes. Is this what passes for Geography in high school?! Draw the political barrier, then draw the caricature, and then indicate whether they are friend or foe by how friendly they look. Isn't that all the information you need? Iran, for example, appears to be giving the British reverse-peace-sign gesture. Perhaps, in the artist's mind, Iran is driving a cab to Heathrow airport, and flipping you off as he divebombs into your lane. On his flying carpet.
I feel sick. In eight months, some little shortie is going to watch the CNN newscasters explain how the red arrows on our 3D map represent the 51st Armoured Battalion advancing into Tehran. And the kid will be filled with horror: No! That's where the man's eyebrows are! The tanks are going to get caught in his eyebrows! Little kid has nightmares about the Unfriendly Cabbie and his Unfriendly Eyebrows. As an adult he won't go anywhere he might encounter unfriendly immigrant cabbies, with their oily eyebrows and impatient accented English...

Ok, next:
China. Not only is this an ugly caricature, why is he reading MAD magazine? Or is that supposed to be Mao, and the artist's hand slipped while churning this out of MSPaint? Also: his heavily populated coast is going to lead to some serious chiropractic pain down the road. All the MAD magazines in the world won't ease his suffering.

Next:
Japan should never be made into someone's head. It looks like the guy was hit by a stray hollow-point bullet. He survived, albeit horribly disfigured and a little crazy. Now you see him at the bus terminal: he thinks he's surfing. He's making splashing noises from his mouth. All the commuters give him wide berth. If this was in my colouring book I would paint him the colour of tears.
Russia: Dude's arm is on backwards.
Poland: Sausage! Haha. Good one. As if the Poles haven't suffered enough. As if the kids haven't suffered enough. He's smiling, but for how long? Didn't Poland back out of the Coalition of the Willing? How long before that smile turns upside down, and he tries to garrote us with that string of sausage?

Do we have time for one more?
Greenland: Look, kids! It's Macrocephalic Santa Claus! He's come to bring presents to all the good little children who spend their days withering away at the hospice, tending to their secret fantasies of declaring war on the normals and their world outside these walls... Macrocephalic Santa Claus comes to tell you that he knows your secret thoughts, he had them once too, but it would be best to put them away, like other childish things, put them away and forget them, child... Also, technically Greenland isn't a sovereign country.

For those of you just joining us, welcome to my blog! Welcome to my museum of delusion. No. It's not supposed to be funny at all.

5 Comments:

At 2:00 PM, Blogger Robert said...

hey, i remember you!

where ya been?

 
At 8:52 PM, Blogger eric said...

hey rob! it's been awhile...
i dunno, i been here the whole time, just with writers block i guess...
for awhile i was sleeping really well, so no time to lie awake and brainstorm :)

 
At 5:56 AM, Blogger Online Incomes said...

Hey I was just blog surfing amd I found your blog! Looks Great!

I also have a plane ticket to vegas
It deals mostly with plane ticket to vegas plus other stuff,
You can save up to 50% your next flight!

You should check it out if you get a chance!!

 
At 12:29 PM, Blogger AVRIL LOVER said...

Linkin.park_logan@yahoo.com
I HOPE U RECEVIE MY COMMENT.
It is not your fualt to talk about other countries such as that
It is Just a wrong Idea About iran
& china.
I realy love CANADA BUt....

 
At 12:38 PM, Blogger AVRIL LOVER said...

By the way Send An email so we can
Talk more.I am learning music.
I will be pleased if u send me some.
Writers blocks Are in every country.no government wants to
be in bad ideas.Why u don't talk about USA and their killing Around the WORLD.
Visit: www.tebyan.net
U can find very useful info there.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home